Confidence, Superiority and Hesitation
by DreamingOfAngels.x3
Summary: Alex returns from WPP, set before-after Conviction. Eventual AO, so be patient! R&R! : T for language, and just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first SVU fic, and I'm really excited about it. Hope you like it!**

**Summary: Alex returns from the WPP, engaged. Set before Conviction for the scene we knew should've been shown for all us AO shippers. :)**

_And away we go..._

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The bright lights of the hallway glared down on the blonde as she walked down the hallway. Her heels loudly clicking on the tile floor, which anyone close to her would recognize. The clicks exuded confidence, superiority, and hesitation. Her icy blues scanned the doors she passed, until she saw the door she was looking for, and walked in. the person at the desk smiled, and walked forward to hug her.

"Alex! Wha- What are you doing here?" The woman asked.

"The bastard and all his men were killed or arrested. So here I am." Alex replied smiling.

"Sit down, sit down."

"Thanks, Liv. How have you been?" Alex asked sitting down.

"I've been pretty well. Work's been... well, work. My social life is still non-existent, and I've missed you." Olivia replied smiling. She couldn't believe how long it had been since the night of the shooting. The 3 of them were walking out of the bar, and then the black SU-, her thoughts were soon interrupted by the beautiful blonde's voice.

"Liv? Liv? You spaced out there for a second." She remarked with her signature smirk, "Anyways, aren't you going to ask me about my time in the wonderful Witness Protection Program?"

"I was just about to get to that. How was your time in the Program?" She asked leaning forward.

"Well, you know about the Wisconsin thing. After testifying against Connors, they moved me to Ohio. Akron, actually. I got a job as an account manager of a restaurant, it was interesting. There was an all-girl Catholic school near it, and they all bombarded us after school was let out. It was really funny, completely reminded me of my high school days. I never actually thought that my habits were as bad as they were, but I was surprised to see how grotesque they were when it was the girls doing it." She said smiling, "There was this one girl, who came about 3 times a week. She was almost exactly like me. Confident, a little insecure, she knows how smart she is, but doesn't want people to know she does. She wants to be a lawyer, also. Of course, I couldn't tell her any of this, but still. It was nice."

"Did you meet anyone?" Olivia asked, thanking God that this experience in the WPP wasn't as bad as the last one.

"Yes, I did. We're engaged, Olivia." She said looking at the ring on her finger.

"Oh. Wow." She couldn't believe it. Alex, her Alex, was getting married to a man she had never met.

_Had she really called me Olivia, she never called me Olivia._ Liv's mind raced.

"I thought you should know. I also have a job as Bureau Chief with the DA's office, so we might actually end up seeing each other around." She casually remarked. The blonde stood up from her chair, and walked out of the room, with the same clicks she had earlier, but this time they sounded as if they let something go that they should have held onto.

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**A/N: Well I hope you liked it. Will continue if you want me to. **

**You know that little button wants some love ;)**

_**DreamingofAngels.x3**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey! So, I'm sorry it took kind of long for an update, but I really needed something to inspire me. I recently got into Coldplay and some of their songs have really helped me get my creative juices flowing. So, I hope you like this new installment! It's basically explaining Alex's past, and why she is the way she is.**

_And away we go..._

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"Cabot," the blonde Bureau Chief said answering her cell phone. Even though she was Kathryn for so many years, her last name still rolled off her tongue. Everyone knew, although she would never admit it, that she loved the power and sense of superiority that seemed to come when she said her last name. A name well respected in upstate New York, and a name she intended to make respected in Manhattan. A name she would do anything to never have ruined, even with her questionable prosecuting style.

"No, I want that warrant today... I don't care if your sister had a baby... Yes, yes I know you want to celebrate the birth of new life, but I want that warrant today... Alright, tell them congratulations for me." Alex said to one of her young ADA's. He was one that reminded her of herself, trying to have a social and familial life, but knowing that sometimes your career has to come first.

For all her life, Alex had to live up to her family's standards. Like every other woman in her family, she attended St. Mary's School for Girls upstate. Her younger brother, like every man in her family, attended Howard Day School, which was co-ed. She was almost destined to be a lawyer from the beginning, as a child she would watch TV shows or movies and wonder what type of waivers they had to sign to do the stunts. Her father, grandmother, aunts, mother, and grandfather were all attorneys who encouraged her. She was a happy girl, full of life, who loved to learn. At the age of 13 her father died of colon cancer. It was a time when all she needed was someone to lean on, but couldn't trust someone enough to lean on them. It was then that she learned that the only person she could truly trust was herself, and she blocked the rest of the world out. She also had the nickname "Ice Princess" in High School, and found it amusing that the elite detectives of the Special Victims Unit couldn't come up with something else. After High School, she attended Amherst College in Massachusetts, majoring in Political Science, before being accepted to Columbia Law School. She would describe it as the best years of her life, and the time where she truly found herself. Alex worked in corporate for awhile, before getting her job at the DA's office. She did rotations for awhile, before being assigned to the Special Victims Unit. Truly, those were the real best times of her life. She worked on cases that challenged her, and she met the most amazing person she could never imagine, Olivia Benson. Olivia had those beautiful brown eyes that always sparkled, and that wonderful brown hair that seemed to change with the year. Her olive skin always glowed, and she was passionate in everything she did.

The night that she was shot is all a blur to Alex. She remembers walking out of the bar and seeing the SUV, but it is all black after that. She woke up in the hospital the next day to learn that she was no longer Alex Cabot, but Emily Rochester. Of course, she is Alex Cabot, so she couldn't make things easy for the marshals, and she had to say goodbye to her 2 best friends. Once she saw them, all she wanted to do was tell Olivia how she really felt, how she wished they could be more than friends, and how she wanted them to be together... forever. It all seems so cliché, but it is truly how she felt.

In Akron, as Kathryn O'Donnell she tried her hardest to not be Alex Cabot. To not think like Alex Cabot, but because she was Alex Cabot, she couldn't. She found a man who loved her for who she really wasn't, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Alex never felt the same way, but accepted his marriage proposal anyway. Once she became Alex Cabot again, she knew that she couldn't keep lying to him, that all she wanted was to be with the beautiful brunette that had captured her heart so many years before.

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**A/N: I hope you really liked it!**

**The little button needs some love ;)**

**_DreamingofAngels.x3_**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! School is being school, and I'm constantly studying and/or doing homework. This chapter isn't really that great, but I thought my readers needed something. It's mostly dialogue in the beginning, and I hate that, but it was the only way to explain things. I hope you like it!**

Disclaimer: I only own Law and Order: SVU on DVD.

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Detective Olivia Benson walked into the squad room of the Special Victims Unit. She walked to her desk, as her partner Elliot Stabler was walking towards his.

"So, I hear that our favorite ADA is back," he remarked sitting down across from his partner.

"Yep, I heard that too," she replied trying to act as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Have you seen her?" he questioned.

"Um... yes, yes I have. She lived in Akron, OH after she left. She worked as a restaurant manager, and she's engaged," was all she could stammer before having the urge to break down in tears.

"Liv, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Elliot said trying to comfort her.

"Well, life happens I guess."

"So, that's it, you're not gonna try and win her back?"

"Well," she started, "seeing as how she's, you know, engaged to be married, I'm almost certain that I have no chance."

"Come on, Liv, you two were practically inseparable, and you loved each other... I'm sure you'll have a chance at winning her back," Elliot tried to explain.

"Well, seeing as how I'm not going to try and win her back, that probably won't happen." She said with a finished tone before walking over to the coffee machine.

The truth is, all she wants to do is win Alex back. To hold her, to kiss her, to love her, but Alex made up her mind. She is in love with a man, a man Olivia doesn't know. A man who's love for Alex will never compare with her love for the blonde. She glanced at her partner, who she could tell wanted to come over and discuss the topic more, but hesitated because he knew it would probably hurt her more. She poured the cup of coffee and sat back down at her desk to look over a case that was going to court the next day.

"Benson, in my office... NOW." The captain barked into the squad room.

_Here we go again..._ Olivia thought to herself.

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**Please Review!**

**Oh, and I'm looking for a Beta if anyone's interested?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! So, I'm really, really, really sorry for not updating sooner. I had no time over Christmas break to write, and I had my first half of exams today. (No school tomorrow! Which means the other exams are delayed! Yay for Arctic Winds!) So, I hope you like this. I really just sort of made it up as I went along. Oh, and ALEX IS COMING BACK!! Sorry if you didn't know, but it is the only thing keeping me alive during exam week.**

_And away we go..._

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Olivia groaned quietly to herself as she walked toward the Captain's office with the hot coffee in her hands. Whenever the captain called one of them into his office, it always felt like being sent to the Principals. You could never tell if you would get in trouble or if you would be praised for bringing up your math grade. With each step toward that dreaded office, your confidence would waver. Whatever the case, your heart would always race and your palms would get sweaty.

She ended up at the door, opening it slowly trying to calm those stupid nerves.

"Well don't just stand there, come in." Captain ordered shaking Olivia out of her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry."

"Sit down, please."

She walked over to the desk, and sat down, the memories of high school still playing in her head.

"I've heard that Alex is back." He said after an awkward silence.

"Yes. I talked to her. She lived in Akron. She worked as a -" She tried to explain just as she did to Elliot.

"Yeah, yeah, I know all of this. But, how is she?" The Captain interrupted.

"She looks good. She isn't sick or anything, I don't think... She's engaged." Olivia answered.

"Oh..." He said trying to not push her too fast.

"Well, I've got to do the paperwork for the Millar case, so I better get going." The detective said getting up from the chair she inhabited and left the room quickly.

Once in the squad room, she grabbed her jacket and left, with no explanation to anyone.

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**Yes, I know it is really short. But I feel really bad for not updating in forever.**

_Give the button some love ;)_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Yes I know it has almost been 6 months since I last updated. (Ducks from tomatoes.) I am TERRIBLY sorry for how long this has taken me. School was just overly stressful, I had 2 months of sickness where no one knew what was wrong with me, and I just recently busted my knee. So, I really hope this long wait was worth it.**

**I also have a new Beta/story-bouncer farwalk; whom this chapter would not be written without. She seriously gave me the inspiration for it.**

**Disclaimer: I only own SVU on DVD. If I did own SVU Olivia and Alex would be in every scene together eye-shagging and making out. The end.**

_And away we go…_

Alex Cabot had always prided herself on being a somewhat patient person. Never in her childhood had her mother told her, "Patience is a virtue Alexandra." Of course her brother had been told many times, "Patience is a virtue Joshua." Just another thing that set the 2 apart, the only thing they both shared was the blonde hair and blue eyes of their father. Josh was the spitting image of their mother; while Alex took after both parents. Her personality coming straight from her father, Alexander George Cabot, Jr. He had always told himself his first born would be named after him; Alexander George Cabot III, to carry on the family legacy. He had never really thought of the possibility that his first child would be a girl. That was when Alexander turned into Alexandra, and George turned into Grace. The two always shared a bond, although they could never really pinpoint what exactly it was that made them get along so well. When Alex thought back now, she realized it was because they were basically the same person in 2 bodies; One just the opposite gender, and 34 years younger.

It wasn't until she started at the DA's office that patience became an issue. Warrants had to be signed immediately, court dates never came around fast enough, traffic was always making her late to arraignments. Patience was not her virtue. Today was no exception. Alex was staring at the clock on her office wall willing the seconds to tick by faster. It was one of the only days in her life when she really, really wanted to get out of her office. She needed something to clear her head. And fast. The moment the minute hand hit the 12, and the hour hand was set firmly on the 7, she left. Her Burberry coat already on and the attaché already in her hand as she watched the seconds tick by.

She quickly walked to her car, taking out her cell phone and pressing speed dial 3. After 4 rings, a man somberly said, "Hello."

"Hi sweetheart, it's Alex. I'm going out with a few colleagues, so I'll be home a little late."

"That's fine. I was just going to order in some Chinese." He replied indifferently.

"Could you get me some sweet and sour pork? I can take it for lunch tomorrow." She asked once she reached her car.

"Yep, that won't be a problem. Have fun tonight, Katy." He replied.

Alex cringed at the use of her Witness Protection name. "I will, Jack, I will." She said before hanging up.

It had taken awhile for Jack to start calling her Alex at all. He still called her Katy, or Kathryn on occasion, but she never liked it and wished for him to call her by her real name. _Just another thing that makes this_ _relationship a joke_, she thought to herself as she drove through the streets of Manhattan. The blonde quickly arrived at the familiar place. Once inside the bar she noticed nothing had changed in the years since that fateful night. "The same old O'Malleys." She mumbled.

Finding a seat at the bar wasn't difficult. It was still somewhat early for the regulars, and a little late for most 9-5'ers. A quick drink or two with colleagues; a way for them to unwind before going home to a wife, kids or a lonely apartment. _Just like why I'm here, _the young ADA thought. Her thoughts were soon interrupted by a man sitting next to her. A man she quickly identified as Elliot Stabler.

"I heard you were back in town." He said dryly.

"News does travel fast over at the 1-6 doesn't it?" She replied.

"That it does – " He was interrupted by the bartender asking for their drinks. "I'll have a Miller Light, she'll have a very dry martini."

"Actually, I'll have scotch. Neat." She corrected.

"Scotch, huh? Never pegged you as one of those; always remember you drinking martinis." He responded surprised.

"When I was little, my Dad would have some of his partners over for drinks to discuss cases, politics, etc. They would sit in the study smoking cigars and drinking scotch. My mother hated it when they would come over, she would constantly complain about how the whole house smelled for days afterwards. He would sometimes let me have a sip of his scotch when I would sit in just to listen. Politics was always my favorite topic of theirs. At first, I hated the taste. It wasn't until about 2 years ago I began to like it. He died when I was 16. My brother was 14… neither of us really knew how to act around my mother after that, you know? It was awkward as hell. She told me that the thing she missed most about him were those days when he would have his partners over, smoking cigars and drinking scotch. A great example of, you don't know what you got 'till it's gone. When I was in the program, sometimes the Mr. Softee song wasn't enough to cure my homesickness. So, I started drinking scotch. It's an acquired taste, but it brings back home." Sometime during the confession, the bartender brought them their drinks. Elliot sat there dumbfounded; Alex had never really opened up to him before. That was what she did with Olivia. Hell, that's what everyone did with Olivia. He took a few sips from his beer.

"I'm sorry; you probably don't want to hear about my problems." The blonde apologized.

"No, No… it's fine. Really, it's fine. It's just I'm not used to this kind of thing. That's more Liv's territory." The detective quickly tried to explain; noticing her diverted gaze when he mentioned Liv. "She missed you, you know… Liv, I mean."

"Yeah, I know. I saw her yesterday." She quickly responded.

"Did you miss her?" He pried sheepishly.

"I missed everything," she took a sip from her drink before continuing, "When I left, I was convinced that everything would change here in Manhattan afterwards. I thought maybe the sky wouldn't be as blue, the buildings would shrink – all because I was gone. I thought maybe the Special Victims Unit wouldn't find a new ADA, or you all would miss me too much to do your jobs correctly. It was hard coming back and finding that everything was the same. Hell, this place hasn't changed since the last time I was here." She said motioning to the bar. Alex and Elliot sat in silence for a minute. Staring into her glass and drawing a long breathe broke the silence, "But the thing I missed most was Liv. She was my best friend, and to find that she was still functioning properly was a big blow to my ego." She said laughing, downing the rest of her drink, and signaling the barkeep for a new one.

Elliot glanced at her, before looking down at his almost full beer bottle. How much Alex had changed, and yet stayed the same since he last saw her was amazing to him. She still had the same personality, drive, superiority complex, and those piercing blue eyes. Yet the Ice Princess Façade was slowly melting, to reveal someone who really had a heart, who had insecurities, and feelings like other people.

"You need to tell her," Elliot said downing his beer

"Tell her what?" She asked acting confused.

Elliot put a 5 on the bar and placed his empty beer bottle on top. Without a word he turned and left Alex where he found her. By herself, but with her answer.

A/N2 – I hope this was worth the wait. Thank you so much to those who have reviewed and Story Alert-ed. It means a lot.

You know what would mean even _more _to me? Giving some love to that big button down there and submitting a review. :D

**DreamingOfAngels.x3**

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